God: "Frank, you know all about gardens & nature. What in the world is going on down there with those humans? What happened to the dandelions, violets, thistle and stuff I started eons ago? I had a perfect, no-maintenance garden plan. Those plants grow in any type of soil, withstand drought and multiply with abandon. The nectar from the long-lasting blossoms attracted butterflies, honey bees and flocks of songbirds. I expected to see a vast garden of colors by now. But all I see are these green rectangles."
St. Francis: "It's the tribe that settled there, Lord. The Suburbanites. They started calling your flowers 'weeds' and went to great extent to kill them and replace them with grass."
God: "Grass? But it's so boring. It's not colorful. It doesn't attract butterflies, birds and bees, only grubs and sod worms. It's temperamental with temperatures. Do these Suburbanites really want all that grass growing there?"
St. Francis: "Apparently so, Lord. They go to great pains to grow it and keep it green. They begin each spring by fertilizing grass and poisoning any other plant that crops up in the lawn."
God: "The Suburbanites must be happy that the spring rains and cool weather make grass grow really fast."
St. Francis: "Apparently not, Lord. As soon as it grows a little, they cut it, sometimes twice a week."
God: "They cut it? Do they then bail it like hay?"
St. Francis: "Not exactly Lord. Most of them rake it up & put it in bags."
God: "They bag it? Why? Is it a cash crop? Do they sell it?"
St. Francis: "No sir. Just the opposite. They pay to throw it away."
God: "Now let me get this straight. They fertilize grass so it will grow. And when it does grow, they cut it off and pay to throw it away?"
St. Francis: "Yes, sir."
God: "These Suburbanites must be relieved when we slow down the growth of plants. That surely saves them a lot of work."
St. Francis: "You aren't going to believe this Lord. When the grass stops growing so fast, they drag out hoses and pay more money to water it so they can continue to mow it and pay to get rid of it."
God: "What nonsense! At least they kept the trees. That was a sheer stroke of genius, if I do say so myself. The trees grow leaves in the spring to provide beauty and shade in the summer. In the autumn they fall to the ground and form a natural blanket to keepmoisture in the soil and protect the trees and bushes. It's a natural circle of life."
St. Francis: "You better sit down, Lord. The Suburbanites have drawn a new circle. As soon as the leaves fall, they rake them into great piles and have them hauled away."
God: "No! What do they do to protect the shrub and tree roots in the winter and keep the soil moist and loose?"
St. Francis: "After throwing away your leaves, they go out and buy something they call mulch. They haul it home and spread it around in place of the leaves."
God: "And where do they get this mulch?"
St. Francis: "They cut down trees and grind them up."
God: "Enough! I don't want to think about this anymore. Saint Catherine, you're in charge of the arts. What movie have you scheduled for us tonight?
St. Catherine: "Dumb and Dumber, Lord. It's a real stupid movie about..."
God: "Never mind I think I just heard the whole story."